Friends in My Heart
by natcat5
Summary: Happy AkuRoku day! This is a oneshot, where Roxas thinks about life as a Nobody and remembers a certain redheaded pyro. Rated T for subtle hints of Yaoi.


**Happy AkuRoku day! Yay! Woot! Woot! So here's a little cute, kind of sad oneshot about Roxas remembering Axel. I think I did pretty well, seeing as it was my first attempt at writing Yaoi, even though it's really subtle. **

***Disclaimer **

**Natcat5 does not own Kingdom Hearts. It belongs to Square Enix and Disney! **

It was nighttime. Sora was asleep in his room. He was dreaming, about far off worlds, beautiful princesses and exotic friends, completely oblivious to the other occupant of his mind.

Deep inside the keyblader, a blonde teenager was sitting on a glass mural. The mural depicted the same teenager, lying down with his eyes closed. The exterior of the mural was made of chains, and the inner circle had faces depicted on it. A spiky-haired blonde boy with a sour look on his face, a wild haired, chubby, brunette with a headband, a sweet looking brunette girl in an orange top, A blonde girl with shy blue eyes, a red-haired girl with adventurous blue eyes, a spiky-haired boy with a goofy grin, and, last, a spiky haired red-head with green eyes and strange markings on his face, and a self-assured, unforgettable smirk.

Roxas

I didn't ask to be a Nobody.

I didn't have a choice in the matter. It was all Sora, as usual. His decision to free Kairi's heart by sacrificing his own, turning himself into a Heartless, thereby creating me. A Nobody.

Do you know what it's like to be a Nobody? Not fun. Not fun at all. It's like being....perpetually frozen, being numb, unable to feel anything. It's like you're looking at everything around you through a telescope. Everything that's happening is far away, and doesn't concern you. _Nothing _concerns you. It's like being a human icicle. Frozen. Numb.

If you're lucky, Organization XII will find you, and then you'll be given a purpose. A horrible purpose. To maim, to kill, to plough through the innocent in order to achieve your own ambitions. And to be able to do it, to be able to destroy _anyone _and not feel _anything. _

It's a curse. A never-ending hell of apathy that you can't fight off. As much as you want to care for something, you can't. You just _can't. _

You think maybe, that a purpose can replace a heart, that it can make your mistake of a life mean something. But it doesn't. It just gives you something to pass the time. And time passes slowly, when you don't give a damn about anything.

It's hell. A numb, endless hell.

At least, I thought it was endless, but then, I met him.

Axel. Number Eight. We were assigned to a mission together, and the whole time, he was joking and carrying on like he actually cared about what we were doing. Like he had a heart.

At first, I ignored it, thinking it was foolish and showed weakness. But then, like an infectious disease, Axel's gaiety began to grow on me. His optimism began to grow on me. And soon, I was doing the improbable; I was laughing and joking and carrying on with him.

Axel. The red-haired pyromaniac thawed my prison of ice, and showed me the light. Or, as much light as a Nobody in an Organization hell-bent on the destruction of the world can see.

He was fierce, like a fiery lion, but only to others. He was playful and happy-go-lucky with me, like a big brother...or maybe something more.

Nobody's aren't supposed to love. They aren't supposed to feel anything, but, I swear, I loved Axel, and he loved me.

I don't know why I left him, why I left coldly and as numb as I had ever been, ignoring his stricken face as I went to confront my beginnings. Was finding out about my past really that important? Important enough to leave behind the only person I ever gave a damn about?

Then, I was kidnapped, and my memory erased. All the days spent joking around, eating Sea-Salt Ice Cream, snuggling on cold nights; they were all gone.

And when I saw him, I didn't know who he was.

The hurt that was in his eyes didn't register with me when I saw him, it was only much later, when parts of my memory began to return, that I realized what I had done to the only person I'd ever loved.

And then, it was too late. I had to fight him, with barely half of my memories restored, and defeat him, sending him back to wherever he came from, with only an ambiguous parting phrase to send him off. Even then, I couldn't remember fully what he'd meant to me.

Of course, I never got to pursue it further, because then, Diz...._Diz. _That...._bastard. _He forced me to return to Sora...forced me to give up _everything _and _anything _that I'd had in my pathetic excuse for a life.

The worst though, was when Axel died. I was there you know, you think Sora would really be that sad if it was just him watching? Even as I watched the flame user die before me, hearing him talking about me, how he cared for me, even as he lay dying, I couldn't remember. I _still _couldn't remember him completely. I just _couldn't. _

You know when my memory came back? When Sora was making out with Kairi three weeks after they returned to the islands.

My memory came back when I realized I had been subconsciously imagining that it was Axel that I was kissing.

And that was that.

The pain I felt is unimaginable, I was in emotionally agony. If I had still had any doubts that Nobody's could feel, they were shattered there and then. So strong were my emotions, that they kept Sora depressed and melancholy for about a week. He wasn't aware of why he was sad, he's not aware of me at all.

I'm not sure people realize how hard, how sad it is, to be the last of your kind. All the Nobodies were destroyed and all that's left are Namine and I. But any and all feelings I had for Namine vanished when I realized that it was she who erased my memories of Axel.

Axel.

Every moment is agony, every second I think of him. I'm living in a horrible, perpetual hell! And this time, there's no pyromaniac around to thaw me out.

It's not even like I can commit suicide or anything, I'm stuck here, forever it seems...I'll never be with Axel....

But I'm resigned to my fate.

I'll go back to the cold, unfeeling robot I was before. I'll refreeze myself into an icicle. I'll stop fighting, and stop caring; give into the numbness....

It's the fate of a Nobody.

It's the fate of someone who's got nothing left to live for.

**Okay, I actually had tears in my eyes as I wrote that last bit. **

**So, sorry for the depressing oneshot, but I'd be flattered if you'd tell me what you thought. I've never tried to write something like this before, and I could really use the criticism. **

**xoxo, natcat5 ;p **


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